Leadership and Parenthood

   There are many parallels between being a leader in the military and being a parent. This is especially true in a combat zone, where you spend every day with the same soldiers, working together, becoming not only colleagues but, inevitably, friends. Life itself can be seen as a form of combat sometimes, when you’re constantly at war with finances, rude drivers, violence, hardship, unexplainable misfortune upon people you don’t think deserve it, and the peaks and valleys of joy and sadness that pepper our lives like sunlight sneaking through a triple canopy forest.

   Last week one of my soldiers, SGT M, slipped and fell off of an 8 foot roof. He’s fine, but seeing him lying there just after it happened gave me a scare. There was a small pool of blood beneath his head, and he was unable to move his limbs without pain. I thought he had broken his neck, or at least his arm and leg. I was very relieved when they put a few staples in his head and let us take him back to his room to recover. I am always concerned about fellow soldiers out here, especially those in my section, but perhaps SGT M getting hurt has put me a little on edge. I had another commo soldier get injured in the suicide bombing, but luckily he is going to be fine. He had been tasked out on other missions, and didn’t work directly for me anymore. 

   This week I’ve felt like a worried father more than once. Master Sergeant H, or “Wooley,” as we call him, is old enough to be my dad. I’m 34, and he’s 59. He was in the Army before I was born. He is the head NCO in charge of communications, and he knows everyone. And everyone knows him. We share an office as the Battalion communications leadership team. Yet when he drove a 5-ton to Baghdad recently as part of a convoy to bring new Iraqi Police recruits to their training, I found myself fretting. He knows what he’s doing, and there was a shortage of available drivers so he was needed. Still, I couldn’t help but worry that something would happen – IED, ambush, rocket propelled grenade – all of the deadly factors we must consider every time we go outside the wire. Likewise, when another of my NCOs, SSG L, recently went out on a VCP (Vehicle Control Point) mission, I was worried about him as well. Everyone who works with SSG L knows he is a rock-solid soldier and highly competent on any mission. Not to mention, I went out on a VCP myself, so I knew the type of work he was doing. But I was nervous that something would happen to him. Thankfully, nothing did.

   My daughter has lost both of her front teeth in the last month. I’m waiting for pictures in the mail. My son is three, and he’s like a little bulldozer, running down stairs and fearlessly assaulting playground equipment. It’s a constant state of parental concern I’m in, justifying the fact that I can’t be there right now with the precept that everything happens for a reason. I pray that my children don’t get hurt, either while I’m away or after I get home. Yet I accept that they may. And I pray that fellow soldiers don’t get hurt. Yet they will. In many ways, being a leader is much like being a parent. You try to set a good example. You balance the dynamics of being friend and boss. And when one of your subordinates or children get hurt, you can’t help but wonder if you could have done more, even if it was completely out of your control.

  I’ve had nothing to worry about. The guys know what they’re doing. They were great soldiers before I came along, and they will still be when I leave this unit. But being their “LT” for over a year now, I care about their well-being a lot and can only imagine the devastation other leaders have encountered when they lose one of their soldiers. I feel the same way about my kids. I’ve been their dad for a total of six years now, and it would kill me if something happened to them before I got home.

   And so we pray.  And so we smile at adversity, seize the day, and continue the mission.  And so we persevere.

 “Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.” - Groucho Marx

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